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My ex-wife decided that I was unsuitable as a husband and role-model for our three children. After trying unsuccessfully for several years to get me to lose weight, she got rid of the whole body in one fell swoop. She divorced me.Diane was a slim five-foot-two and stayed that way throughout our ten year marriage. She was dedicated to fitness and that included involving our children as well. She was a stay-at-home mom, so she had the time, whereas I was a working stiff pulling an eight-to-five shift. I was on my feet most of the day and, after fighting rush hour traffic, I was tired by the time I got home. The last thing I wanted to do was to jump into some shorts, t-shirt, and sneakers and head to the gym or go for a run.You would think that the divorce would be motivation enough for me to get off my ass and do something about losing all that excess weight. Well, you'd be wrong. I was upset at my failed marriage and losing my children. I loved them dearly, just as I loved Diane.. "Only when you are indisposed," I agreed."And will love me?" she asked."I can try," I agreed."And you will lie and say I am beautiful," she asked.I looked at her, "There is no need for me to lie, you are beautiful," I told her."Then so be it!" she agreed, "I don't want to marry a duke anyway, he smells." she confided and after a suitable period she slipped from my room.I found my clothes at length and dressed as smartly as yesterdays attire would allow and ventured forth, my friends had already been apprised of my betrothal by my intended Miss Hannah and I sat down to my meal to answer their taunts."Pinkerton, what meal is this, a late break-fast or an early lunch?" some wag asked,"I call it Brunch," I said, "And later I shall take High Teadinner." Don't be an idiot!" Bobby Fawkes chided, "Brunch, what a ridiculous notion, but why Pinkers?" he asked."She took me ball deep," I said, "Imagine, such a waife like countenance yet within there is a cleft of eight inches and more!" Oh?" Algy.
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